No Scrub
by Nega Gohan
Summary: Bulma and Chi Chi take the "No Scrub" song to heart and decide to straighten out their men.


No Scrub

"And Goku you better clean up after yourself when you're done eating, or you know what's gonna happen!" Chi-Chi screeches at the top of her lungs. 

Goku sits at the table, a sandwich in hand, surrounded by a mess he created all by himself, looking up at his wife wide eyed. Over the pass few weeks Chi-Chi had been rather aggressive, more so than usual. She went off on Goku every time he wasn't "acting like a man." One day she was as sweet as sweet could be, cleaning up for Goku and saying how happy she was to finally have her husband home. And then she changed. Saying something like she didn't want a scruber for a husband, or something like that. It didn't make any sense to him. And the best solution he could find for the problem is to steer clear of Chi-Chi as much as possible. So after he was finished eating he rushed out of the house to go spar with Vegeta. Off course, he made sure he cleaned up after himself so he wouldn't have to face his oh so loving wife when he returned 

But when he gets to Bulma's he finds Vegeta much in the same position he was in with Chi-Chi.

Vegeta was outside washing windows! As soon as Goku's eyes fall upon this site he immediately is thrown into hordes of laughter.

"Kakkarot!" Vegeta growls.

"Woo-hoo!" Goku laughs. "How did Bulma get you to do that?"

Grumbling Vegeta continues on with his work.

"Stupid woman." Was his only explanation. But about two weeks ago, around the same time Chi-Chi was acting weird Bulma got mean, er, meaner also. And she knew just how to get to Vegeta too. She wouldn't allow the prince into the room at night when he disobeyed. And of course this messed with him greatly. Those were the moments when he needed Bulma the most.

"I don't want no scrub." Vegeta mocks his wife.

Goku stops laughing upon hearing that word. Scrub? That's what Chi-Chi had said the other day, not scruber.

"Hey, has Bulma been bossing you around a lot more than usual?" Goku asks and joins Vegeta by his side.

"What's it to you?"

Goku scratches his head.

"I don't know but I have a feeling that it has to do with this guy named scrub."

Vegeta's eyebrows etch together. Kakkarot could be so stupid. But…why did that make some sense? 

"She keeps comparing me to him." Goku explains.

Vegeta raises a hand to his chin and rubs the hairless mount.

"Hmmmmm…yes, Bulma's comparing me to this scrub guy also. Maybe you have a--"

Vegeta is cut off by the loud blast of a song. He was about to shout at who ever it was to turn the volume down when he heard what the song was saying.

__

A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly.

It's also known as a busta.

Always thinking about what he wants.

And just sits on his broke a--.

The prince gasps. "So that's where she's getting it."

"Hey Vegeta, maybe I have what? You didn't finish your sentence."

Realizing that Kakkarot was still there Vegeta turns and glares at him.

"Maybe you have no brain, you idiot! Scrub isn't a person. It's a song! An evil song!"

"What! Evil!" Goku shouts and begins to power up.

"Stop that Kakkarot!" Vegeta hisses and nudges him hard in the side.

"Ow!" Goku whines. "Why'd you do that? I have to go defeat those evil villains who made that song."

"No." Vegeta says calmly and throws his towel to the ground.

"We're gonna fight fire with fire."

"Huh?" Goku's face was blank with confusion.

Vegeta smiles wryly.

"Follow me Kakkarot. We're gonna show our women who's boss."

*****************************

Bulma takes a sip of tea. And smiles at Chi-Chi who sat across from her at her table.

"Vegeta has just been so helpful Chi-Chi, you wouldn't believe it." She chirps.

Chi-Chi smiles a smile identical to the one Bulma had.

"I know what you mean Bulma, Goku's been a little angel."

Both women crack up and Bulma sprays tea all over the table.

"Why didn't somebody make a song like that a long time ago?" Bulma asks. She takes a napkin and begins to wipe away at the mess she made.

"I know it. Hey lets turn on the radio and see if it's on." Chi-Chi suggests.

Bulma nods in agreement and hurries over to the radio on the counter. She turns it on and begins flicking through the station. She stops when she gets to the one station that usually plays it the most, then returns to her seat.

"It's gotta come on next." She tells Chi-Chi.

"Um, we got a new group here for all ya peoples out there." The announcer, B.W.B, states. But his voice is unusually high pitched and full of fear.

"I wonder what's wrong with him?" Chi-Chi says curiously.

"They go by the name, um, er…"

"Da Sayijan men." A voice cuts the other off. A voice that sounded identical to Vegeta's. But that was impossible. He was outside washing the windows.

"The, the, Da Sayijan men. And, um, they're gonna do a live performance for ya."

"Hey, Vegeta, look at me!" came the voice of a third man, one that sounded unmistakably like Goku.

"Vegeta!" Bulma shouts. "What's he doing there?!"

"And that must be Goku!" Chi-Chi shouts angrily.

"Take that off your head you idiot!" Vegeta shouts.

"Are you guys ready?" The announcer asks.

"Yeah, yeah, now play the music!" Vegeta orders.

Both women sit back in their seats, patiently waiting to hear what the heck their husbands had in store for them. Suddenly the tune to the beginning of "No Scrub" comes on and the women are more confused then ever. 

"A wife is a woman with a very big mouth." Vegeta sings, or at least tries to. "It's also known as a servant. Always telling people what to do. And always cooks nasty food. So…"

"Woman!" Goku joins in.

VEGETA: You better do my laundry.

GOKU: Woman!

VEGETA: You better massage my feet.

GOKU: Woman!

VEGETA: You better cook me dinner.

GOKU: Woman!

VEGETA: Something that I can eat.

CHORUS: So no, I don't want no wife, that tells me what to do and cooks me nasty food. Hollering with her big mouth to another spouse about how I'm not nice.

Bulma and Chi-Chi turn to each other. Lost for words. But their expressions said it all. Their husbands must seriously want to die. 

"Come on Chi-Chi." Bulma growls as he gets up from her seat. 

Already knowing what Bulma had in mind Chi-Chi follows behind her without asking any questions. 

*****************************

Vegeta and Goku both lay outside at the public park. The lay spread out across the grass gazing up at the stars. One of Vegetas eyes were swollen and his clothes were torn and tattered. The same goes for Goku who also had a swollen jaw. 

"Ya know, I neber knew Bumba an Che-Che wereb so stronb." Goku tries to speak.

Vegeta rolls the one eye that was still functional. He puts an arm behind his head and groans.

"Never test the power of a woman." He states.

"Oh, weally? Than why did we?"

"Shut-up kakkarot!" Vegeta spits out. He knew that he was stupid for what he had done. But he wasn't going to admit that. Hmph, he wasn't going to hurt his pride. He just wished that the girls hadn't thrown them out. They went seeking refuge at Gohans house but Videl had heard their little song and went off at them at the door. Shouting that if they didn't get off her property she'd finish what Bulma and Chi-Chi didn't. So now they were homeless and hungry. And as if being kicked out of his own house and beat up by his woman wasn't embarrassing enough, he also had to spend his time with the fool who had goofed up with him.

"I wonber ib our sonb's a hit?"

"SHUT-UP!"

"I feel a 'Gobu sabs' coming on."

"I'm warning you!"

"Hey, kibs, if yob eber get marrieb, don'b sing meab sonbs about your womand."

"KAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Rebeber, Gobu sabs." He begins to giggle and waves cheerfully up at the sky.

Vegeta gets up and begins to form a ki blast in his hand. 

"If you can't get along with them…" Vegeta raises the ball high above his head. "Kill'em!"

The night sky fills with a bright light. Chi-Chi and Bulma watch the explosions from the balcony of Bulma's home. They smile at each other then turn around to enter the house. They begin to sing on their way back in.

__

No I don't want no scrub.

A Scrub is a guy that can get no love from me.

Hanging out the passenger side of his best friends ride, 

Trying to holler at me.


End file.
